Update and My Wings

TJ, Tex and Janet came up this past weekend. They got the tools out of the shop, so we can close it and stop paying rent there. They also got two large buffets out of our living room. This really open it up. And will allow Tommy to use his walker easier now. Now I have to find a place for everything that was in them. I still have some boxes in the floor. TJ put a part on the truck. We all worked hard this past weekend. Thank you all again for everything you did and all your help.
I sold the milk cow this past Tuesday, a mixed blessing. No more milking but also no more milk. TommieLynn is so very happy to be done with milking. I froze and canned some milk yesterday. And I thought I’d get to sleep in Wednesday morning, well only until 7:30 am as the dogs woke me up wanting out, oh well. And this morning, I am up at 4 am coughing really hard, but I will let the dogs out and go back to bed. I’m still fighting this yuck in my chest, and I’m almost done with round two of antibiotics and on my 5th bag of Halls cough drops, and week 5 of this. I have tried everything under the sun, even herbs. How long can this last???
It rained really hard yesterday and is to do the same today. We had rivers going through the fields and in the yard. The poor chickens looked so funny, them being all wet and muddy. Tommy told me to tie a rope to the truck and tied it to the porch. It was bad, we have not had that much rain in years. Yes, here we really needed it but didn’t want it all in one day.
A friend, Jenny, said the Lord was giving me my wings, when I talked to her last week. To be honest it felt like He was cutting my wings, with all the changes. Jenny said He was giving me my wings to fly. And at the time (last week) I felt grounded, very grounded. I didn’t feel like flying, and did not see it that way. And this really bothered me. Why I could not see what someone else saw. So the more I thought about it, the clearer it became. The things being taken away, the changes being made, were to lighten my load so I could fly. A bird can’t fly when it’s loaded down with things it really does not need. I see it like a bird who’s wing was broke, and it could not fly for a while, but still remembers flying. And has to wait for the wing to heal, and then relearn to fly again. Or like the fighting roosters tied to a little house, they can move some but can’t fly very high or far. I have always like the song, “ On the Wings of a Snow White Dove”, so Tommy has brought me doves over the years. And as I looked around my house at all the doves, I remembered, He sends His love on the wings of a dove. Now I see that the Lord is teaching me to fly again, and like the birds learning to fly again, it’s hard work and it hurts. And some birds don’t want to leave what they have known, being grounded by string or broken wing or just caged. They have forgotten what it is like to fly. I too, have forgotten what it’s like to fly, but I am remembering now. I want to fly again. I have allowed things and people to ground/ cage me. But my wings are healing and the door is opening, freedom is in the air. And just like the birds, I too, will fly through the storms of life or soar above them. I want others to see His love on my wings again, I want to fly for Him. To bad, I did not see all this sooner, so as not to fight it so hard. But I am thankful the Lord did not give up on me and keep at me to fly again. Is the Lord working on your wings?? Are you grounded or caged? Has something in life broken one of your wings? The Lord is waiting for you to fly again, He’s waiting to heal you, too.
Come fly with me.
Becky

Comments:

1. Becky, As always, you are an inspiration.  ) What beautiful insight into our growth process. May God continue to bless you as you stretch your wings and fly once again. In Him, Stacie  Comment by arksoaper | January 7, 2009 |

2. Thank you for sharing. Sometimes I forget the Lord has to prune us and our lives so that we can grow closer to Him. Hope you are feeling better soon. Comment by Country Lady | January 8, 2009 |

3. Nice post Becky… hoping your changes bring even bigger and better changes in your life.. take care and know that God is always near especially at times like these… Janine Comment by Janine | January 11, 2009 |

4. Why can’t they do a fentanyl (spelling) pump implant? That way your hubby can push the button for extra relief when needed, yet not use as much when not needed. It is very common for people with terminal pain to have the wire implanted for the pain pump on demand. It’s not exactly important to worry about “hooking” someone on drugs when the case is terminal. Pain relief is more important than any thing else. You really have a crappy hospice. I am so very sorry you are going through this with such poor support there. Is there anyway at all you could have access to a different doctor or program?
   I will pray for your husband and your family. Comment by teri | January 12, 2009 |

5. And just like the birds, I too, will fly through the storms of life or soar above them. Your post was very moving for me. My family and I have had to learn to fly through the storms and soar above them!!!! I am new to this web site. I do understand the terrible dreaded “C” word. My husband was diagnosed with cancer last year. God was good. We had a growth - tumor removed from behind his left ear in May’08. He went back a week later to have the drain tube removed only to be told the tumor was cancer; however there were parts left behind. The doctors had to make a treatment plan for him. They told us because he was young and a strong healthy man that he could handle the sink being thrown at him. We went through our chemo and our radiation and now dealing with some hearing loss and vertigo - we are blessed that he is getting great results from his 3 month follow ups. As a spouse watching her husband go through all of it, it is very traumatic. You want to take their pain - their sickness away and all one can do is hold their hand or head through the rough times. During the good times, we made them our best. We have a small child - 5 yrs old. He still worries that Daddy will go to heaven. We are constantly reassuring him that Daddy is ok.  My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Comment by Tara | January 29, 2009 |

6. Tara, I will keep your family in my prayers. As I know first hand what everyone is going through. Remember to take care of your self too. Becky Comment by Becky | January 31, 2009 |